of or pertaining to bands with an excessive amount of goatees, lead singers trying and failing miserably to sound like Eddie Vedder on Pearl Jam’s “Ten”, and generally bad over-consumed rawk music. See also: inexplicably popular.
Labor Day was this last Monday. It got me thinking about work, and workers, minivans, alarm clocks, and ultimately Nickelback. What? Why Nickelback you say? Well, let me tell you why. Nickelback belongs to a genre of music called dur-de-dur music, and they are a dying breed. Their road to success was probably not difficult. It certainly hasn’t been difficult for the last 10 years or so. Nobody can tell me that some sort of evil arrangement wasn’t made some 10 years ago so that Nickelback would stay on the radio for as long as it has. I can’t believe that they work hard. Just like I can’t believe that the wealthiest of bankers make their money honestly. Ironically, there are lots of people who do way harder work than Nickelback or bankers who had to work on Labor Day. I used to do it myself and it sucked.* So for those of you who had to work on Labor Day, here’s a list of the greatest Dur-de-dur bands of all time.
*Chris Friemel is neither a banker nor a member of Nickelback. That doesn’t mean that he works hard, but it also doesn’t mean that he is fed hamburgers with dollar bills for lettuce either.
Since they inspired this list, we’ll start with:
Oh crap. That’s not Nickelback, that’s Godsmack. Ok, we’ll start with Godsmack…
Does this require commentary?
Scott Stapp had it all. Gold records, chiseled dude chin, long hair, and the unique ability to poorly imitate both James Hetfield and Eddie Vedder. I’m afraid that he will have it all again someday when we become inexplicably nostalgic for some Creed. I’ll go ahead and book my Creed Carnival Cruise Ship Tour for the year 2025.
Poor Staind. Somebody pulled a real lousy prank on them and turned off the spell checker when they were naming their band. It’s spelled with an “e” fellas.
Anyway, I understand why they write such sad crappy music, but how much unfunny self-deprecation can people put up with?
Last but not least Nickelback. Amazingly enough, these guys have stood the test of time. I defy you to turn on your local “Edge” station (every city has a dur-de-dur station called the Edge) and within an hour you will have heard at least one Nickelback song. It defies the basic laws of nature folks, but so does squirt cheese.
Wait… is that Godsmack?
Chris Friemel is a contributing writer for Groove Sandwich and is also the mid-South's foremost expert on egg salad.