THIS JUST IN: Mariah Yeater, who claimed that Justin Bieber is the father of her infant son, dropped her paternity suit. This comes as a bit of shock as there were reports of irrefutable proof of their sexual encounter. Yes, quite a mystery indeed.
In unrelated news, Mariah Yeater was seen driving a seemingly brand new Bentley with a Louis Vuitton car seat in the back to her local marina where she boarded 110-foot yacht named “Baby”. An unnamed crew member divulged that the vessel was scheduled to travel to Monaco where Yeater will purchase a casino and rename it “Never Say Never”.
Also in unrelated news, a dozen semi trucks loaded with what appears to be roses has shown up at Selena Gomez’s home. Scrawled on the side of each truck are the words “I’m sorry I got Mariah Yeater pregnant.” Hmmm….sounds a little fishy. Anybody care to interpret that one?
THIS JUST IN: (Get it? Just in….Justin….Justin Bieber? No? Nothing? Ok, moving on.) Groove Sandwich founder and writer Jeff Higgins is now claiming that he had an “intimate encounter” with Justin Bieber which has produced a child. Claiming to have irrefutable proof of their meeting (see below), Higgins is now seeking child support payments to the tune of $100,000 per month.
More on this story as it develops.
Jeff Higgins is the founder of Groove Sandwich. The above photo is the finest one he's ever appeared in.